I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You are the jesus of drinking
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
