So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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