Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
