ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
