i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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