Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
