Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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