Someone shit on the floor
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
