allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
her vagine was all disorganized.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
