Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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