Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
