i think my mom watched the whole time
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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