she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
