I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
