Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
