Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
