so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
