yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
