Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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