This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
