The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
