To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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