i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
