last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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