Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
