So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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