That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
