My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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