dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
