You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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