just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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