'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Are my feet made of real feet?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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