really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
