she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
