All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
well you can't waste a boner
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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