Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
