im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
