My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
