you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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