im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize