first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
