I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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