Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
