I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We left the knife in your bed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
