Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
