Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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