i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Randomize
