I am spending my child support on dildos
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
