on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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