Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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