Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
