Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
