I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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