I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
