He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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