I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
