Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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