covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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