Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
