awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How naked do you want me to be?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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