I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
