in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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