Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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