He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
