the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am naked and annoyed.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
