Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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