My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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