okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
