Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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