i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
worst night to have a conscience
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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