I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
