Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
