Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
