Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
