Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
