Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
