I wish I could punch you in the face.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
50% drunk capacity currently
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
