Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
