And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
