i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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