I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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