Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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