god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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