She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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