I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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