And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
