So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
