oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
did i just pee glitter
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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