I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dick very happy bro
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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