Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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