Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
