He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
