I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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