I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
