Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
