she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
