He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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