god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
how does that bad decision feel?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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