I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
