The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize