Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
