i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
