Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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