Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize