He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
